In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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