Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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