I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
