i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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