3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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