i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
