omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
