Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In America we eat man semen.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
