the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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