we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
