she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize