I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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