Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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