I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
