Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
