I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
