that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
