Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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