Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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