dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fuck appropriateness.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
