I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize