I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
