dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
