I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
