so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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