I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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