One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
