i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
