I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
