Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

Fav 12 1502 919
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(310): View more from California

Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.

Fav 57 4149 944
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(214): View more from Texas

just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.

Fav 18 940 4366
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(630): View more from Illinois

she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

Fav 11 6082 1254
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(317): View more from Indiana

If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.

Fav 12 5237 2142
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(705): View more from Ontario

I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.

Fav 13 4259 1317
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry

Fav 23 1946 4462
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(812): View more from Indiana

I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.

Fav 8 1219 570
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(702): View more from Nevada

I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood

Fav 0 153 17
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