i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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