She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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