i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
