How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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