my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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