I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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