dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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