I wanna bring you to show and tell
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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