so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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