i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
