I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
