they need to just BURY HIM!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
