I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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