When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
