my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
