This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
