I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
