i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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