Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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