i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
