I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
