the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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