remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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