I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
