It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
