I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
