so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
