wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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