Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
