The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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