If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
