i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
