JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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