You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
