were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
