I want to have your abortion
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
