the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
