i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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