My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
